You know someone secretly envies you when they display these 7 subtle behaviors

by Lachlan Brown | May 5, 2026, 9:48 am

For a long time, I was oblivious to the subtle signs of envy that people around me were displaying.

I’m Lachlan Brown, founder of Hack Spirit and a psychology enthusiast with a deep fascination for human behavior — the undercurrents of emotions that dictate our actions.

As I grew Hack Spirit and dove deeper into writing about psychology, I started to notice some odd behaviors from those around me — friends, colleagues, even family members. It was like a subtle undercurrent of negativity that I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

It wasn’t until I delved deeper into psychology that I discovered these were classic signs of envy — something most people shy away from admitting they feel.

In this article, I’ll share with you the 7 subtle behaviors that people display when they secretly envy you.

1) They give you backhanded compliments

One of the first subtle signs I noticed was a strange shift in the way people complimented me. It wasn’t the usual, genuine praise I was used to. Instead, these compliments seemed laced with a hint of sarcasm or negativity.

These are called ‘backhanded compliments‘. On the surface, they might seem like a positive remark, but there’s an undercurrent of criticism or envy beneath it.

For instance, someone might say: “You’re really good at writing for someone without a journalism degree.” Sounds like praise, right? But there’s an obvious jab in there.

Psychology explains this as a defense mechanism. People who envy you might find it hard to compliment you genuinely, so they weave in a bit of negativity or sarcasm instead.

If you notice this happening more frequently, it could be a sign that someone secretly envies you. Be mindful of these interactions and try not to let them get under your skin — everyone is on their own journey, and their envy says more about them than it does about you.

2) They mimic your behavior

The second sign that caught my eye was how some people around me started to mimic my behavior. It was subtle at first, but once I noticed it, it was hard to ignore.

Research suggests this happens more often than we think. A friend might start adopting your reading habits, even going as far as reading the exact same books you’re into. A colleague might begin using the same phrases you favor. It can feel flattering, but also a bit eerie.

Psychologists call this “mirroring“, and it often happens when someone admires or envies another person. They subconsciously start to copy their behaviors, habits, or even their style.

However, it’s important to remember that imitation isn’t always a negative thing. Sometimes people mirror others because they genuinely admire them and want to learn from them. But when it’s coupled with other signs of envy, it’s worth paying attention to.

3) They downplay your achievements

I remember when I first launched Hack Spirit. It was a significant milestone for me — the result of countless sleepless nights and relentless hard work.

But instead of celebrating with me, some friends and colleagues brushed it off, saying things like, “Oh, anyone can start a blog these days.”

This behavior left me feeling confused and hurt, but as I delved deeper into psychology, I understood that this is a common reaction from people who secretly envy you. They might try to trivialize your success or make it seem like it’s not a big deal.

Understanding this helped me take these reactions with a grain of salt. I realized that their inability to celebrate my achievements had nothing to do with me and everything to do with their own insecurities.

4) They rejoice in your failures

The fourth sign can be particularly painful: people who seem to take a certain satisfaction in your failures. Instead of offering empathy when a project doesn’t pan out, you notice a hint of pleasure in their reactions.

This is a hard pill to swallow, but research has shown that this is a common reaction among those who envy others.

A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people often feel a sense of “schadenfreude” — pleasure at someone else’s misfortune — when they envy that person.

The study, led by researchers at the University of Kentucky, found that this reaction is more prevalent when people perceive that the envied person’s misfortune will somehow level the playing field.

It’s a tough behavior to deal with, but understanding it can help you react with more grace and empathy. After all, their reaction is more about their own insecurities and less about you.

5) They talk about you behind your back

The fifth sign is a real eye-opener — finding out that people are discussing you behind your back. It’s disheartening, to say the least. But psychology tells us that this is another common behavior among those who harbor envy towards someone.

When people envy you, they might resort to gossip or backbiting, often focusing on your flaws or failures. It’s their way of coping with the feelings of inadequacy that envy often brings.

It’s important to remember: if you find out someone has been talking behind your back, it’s more about their character than yours. Keep doing your thing and let your success speak for itself.

6) They compete with you unnecessarily

Have you ever had someone try to one-up you for no apparent reason? Maybe a colleague works overtime just to finish a project faster than you, even though you’re not in any kind of race. It’s a confusing experience, but psychology offers a clear explanation.

Psychologists refer to this as “social comparison,” where people measure their worth based on how they stack up against others. When someone envies you, they may feel compelled to compete with you, even when there’s no real need for it.

Psychologist Leon Festinger, known for his social comparison theory, once said, “There is a drive within individuals to look to outside entities for comparisons of their own worth.” When envy is at play, this drive can manifest as unnecessary competition.

Remember, life isn’t a race against anyone but yourself. If someone feels the need to compete with you, it’s likely stemming from their own insecurities and envy.

7) They avoid you

Perhaps the most counterintuitive sign of all — they avoid you. You’d think that someone who envies you would want to be around you more, but that’s not always the case.

I experienced this when a close friend started to distance himself after I began making significant strides in my career. He was less available, less interested in catching up, and seemed to pull away without explanation.

Psychology suggests that envy can trigger feelings of shame and discomfort, which leads some people to withdraw from the person they envy rather than confront those feelings. It’s a self-protective mechanism — being around you reminds them of their own perceived shortcomings.

If you notice someone pulling away as your life takes a positive turn, it might not be about anything you’ve done wrong. It could simply be that your success is stirring up uncomfortable emotions in them.

The best response? Give them space, but keep the door open. People often work through envy in their own time, and a little patience can go a long way in preserving a relationship.

Lachlan Brown

Lachlan Brown is an entrepreneur and co-founder of Brown Brothers Media, a digital publishing network reaching tens of millions of readers monthly. He holds a Graduate Diploma of Psychological Studies from Deakin University, though his real education came afterward: a warehouse job shifting TVs, a stretch of anxiety in his mid-twenties, and the slow discovery that studying the mind is not the same as learning how to live well. He started experimenting with Buddhist principles during breaks at the warehouse and eventually began writing about what he was learning. That writing became Hack Spirit, a widely read personal development site, and his book Hidden Secrets of Buddhism became a bestseller. His work breaks down complex ideas into frameworks people can apply immediately, whether they are navigating a career change, a difficult relationship, or the gap between knowing what to do and actually doing it. Lachlan splits his time between Singapore and Saigon. He writes about high-performance routines, decision-making under pressure, digital innovation, and the intersection of Eastern philosophy with modern life. His perspective comes from having built things from scratch, failed at some of them, and learned that clarity comes from practice, not theory.