People who won’t listen to others often display these 9 character traits

by Isabel Cabrera | May 1, 2024, 8:10 pm

We all have people in our lives who seem to have a hard time truly hearing what we’re saying. 

Communicating with them is a real struggle because it would seem like we just can’t get through to them. Or even if we do, they’re not likely to respect our perspective. 

You might look back on your interactions with such people and wonder if it’s just a one-off situation or a recurring pattern. 

Maybe you’ve even asked yourself (as I have, many times): “Is it me, or do they really have a problem with listening?”

It’s frustrating for sure. But you’ll know that someone truly is the type who won’t listen to others if they show these nine character traits:

1) Lack of consideration

Have you ever tried to share something only to be cut off mid-sentence? Or perhaps you barely get a word in before they’re already offering their opinion or solution

This is a classic sign of someone who won’t listen – by interrupting, they’re showing a lack of consideration for the other person.

People who are quick to interrupt often have a preconceived notion of what you’re going to say, or they simply believe their own thoughts and ideas are more important. 

They’re not truly ‘listening’ to understand or empathize. They’re just waiting for their turn to speak.

This habit can be frustrating, at times even infuriating. Because it creates an environment where the other person feels unheard and invalidated. 

Moreover, it can limit the depth of conversation, as one person dominates the dialogue and leaves little room for others to express their thoughts and feelings.

2) Easily distracted

A different kind of non-listener is the easily distracted one. (Parents of teenagers probably know this one well.)

You know, the type whose gaze drifts off while you’re talking, or has their eyes fixed on their phone. 

I’ve experienced this so many times, so I’ve become somewhat of an expert at telling when the person I’m talking to is actually no longer there, even if they’re physically present

This inattentiveness may be due to any of these factors: 

  • A lack of interest
  • A short attention span
  • The habit of multitasking

Whatever the reason, the lack of focus makes meaningful conversation difficult and leaves you feeling insignificant or unimportant. 

After all, it sends the message that they have more pressing matters to attend to than to listen to you. And how can you make a real connection with that, right? 

3) Presumptuousness

A friend of mine was always quick to make assumptions about my experiences based on her own. 

When I was sharing my struggles, she would often cut me off and say something like, “Oh, I know exactly what you’re going through. The same thing happened to me…” and then steer the conversation towards her own story.

I knew she meant well. I knew she meant to empathize. But despite knowing that, I still felt trivialized. I even felt like the conversation had now become about her, instead of being my moment to open up and get some support. 

Which, when you think about it, shows the next character trait…

4) Lack of empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It requires patience, genuine interest, and, above all, effective listening. 

However, people who won’t listen often struggle to exhibit empathy in their interactions.

Take my friend whom I mentioned above. I’d like to think she was coming from a place of empathy, but the reality was that it didn’t come across that way. 

Neuroscience studies show that the human brain possesses mirror neurons that allow us to ‘feel’ what others are feeling.

However, despite being wired for empathy, not everyone develops or exhibits this trait to the same degree. 

Those who don’t listen may find it challenging to connect with others on an emotional level because they fail to truly hear the sentiments being expressed.

This lack of empathy can make conversations feel superficial and devoid of emotional connection. 

It can also lead to misunderstandings and strained relationships, as the non-listener may come off as uncaring or dismissive. I know that that’s how I felt with my friend.

5) Disinterest

Another common trait of people who don’t listen is disinterest, and it often shows up in their tendency to abruptly change the topic of conversation. 

Rather than staying focused on the subject at hand, they often veer off course, shifting the focus to something entirely different.

My former coworker is a real master at this. Whenever we would engage in conversation about work-related topics, he had a habit of diverting the discussion towards his personal interests, hobbies, or recent vacations.

Mind you, it wasn’t a subtle transition either; it was an abrupt switch that left me and the rest of our team feeling unheard and dismissed.

His constant need to shift topics made it clear he wasn’t truly interested in what we had to say or the issues at hand. 

This made meaningful dialogue difficult and often left me with a sense of disconnect after our conversations. 

I never did develop a close relationship with him; how could I, when he couldn’t even be bothered to listen to me? He never even asked me any questions in an effort to get to know me. 

Which brings me to my next point…

6) Lack of curiosity

Any conversational master would tell you that conversation is two-way. And it involves asking questions to gain a deeper understanding. 

However, people who won’t listen often neglect this crucial aspect of dialogue. 

Are they curious about your perspective? About you as a person? Judging from the lack of questions, I hate to say it, but probably not! 

In fact, they’d prefer you stay quiet and let them dominate the conversation. 

7) Intrusiveness/dismissiveness

How do people who don’t listen show this character trait? 

Oftentimes, through unsolicited advice…that thing that sets people’s teeth on edge. As someone who’s received a lot of unsolicited advice from various people, I know just how annoying it feels. 

Don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate advice when I ask for it. And I do appreciate that the folks who give unsolicited advice mean well (probably!). 

But sometimes it comes across as intrusive. Even dismissive, as if you’re not capable of handling your own situation. 

And if you dare call them out on it, or on any issue that needs to be discussed, expect this next character trait to show up…

8) Defensiveness

Rather than taking in what’s being said and considering it, people who don’t listen quickly default to defensive mode

They’re just not open to criticism, nor to the possibility of appearing wrong. 

You can just imagine how hard it is to resolve issues then. It’s pretty much like talking to a brick wall you can’t break down. 

9) Impatience

Patience is a virtue, especially when it comes to listening. 

People who don’t listen obviously lack patience. They’re the type to constantly look at their watches or tap their foot while you speak. Or rush others through their stories or thoughts. 

The thing is, truly listening is not just about hearing words. It’s about comprehending, empathizing, and processing the information being shared.

This takes time, especially when the topic is complex or emotionally charged. 

Those who lack patience might want to expedite the process – so they often interrupt, assume, or even completely tune out before the speaker has concluded.

Ironically, by trying to “save time” through impatience, they might end up spending more time addressing misunderstandings, conflicts, or mistakes that arise from not listening properly in the first place.

Final thoughts

This list isn’t meant to put down those who have a long way to go in developing listening skills. It’s more about getting to know how they operate so that we can better understand how to communicate with them. 

Recognizing these tendencies can guide us in adjusting our approach, being more patient, and finding ways to ensure our message gets across effectively. 

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