If someone displays these 10 behaviors, they’re trying to distance themselves from you
I’ve got a confession to make – I’m currently trying to phase out a friendship that I started around 6 months ago.
The girl, who we’ll call Jenny, seems nice enough but I’ve noticed some major red flags, including overstepping boundaries and pot-stirring.
I’ve considered talking to her openly about it, but after seeing how she deals with conflict, I think it’s best to just distance myself.
I suspect she is a narcissist, so for my own well-being, I’ve made this decision (rather than calling her out directly, which I’ve seen end badly for others).
It’s not the first time I’ve had to do this unfortunately, but it does mean I know the drill pretty well!
So, stay tuned, because if you recognize these behaviors, someone is trying to distance themselves from you…
And before we get into it, I want to point out that there are numerous reasons why someone may distance themselves – personal reasons, incompatibility in the relationship, past traumas, mental health reasons, and much more.
1) Texting and calling less
The first behavior is a pretty obvious one – decreased communication.
You went from talking fairly regularly, to now waiting days for a text back.
Your friend doesn’t bother calling up for casual chats anymore, and if you ring, more times than not, it goes to voicemail.
I’ve been doing this with Jenny – don’t get me wrong, it’s not to hurt her but rather to avoid getting sucked in further into a friendship that’s toxic.
I still respond, but I wait a while and keep my responses concise. And no, I don’t feel good about it, but I know it’s the right thing for me in this specific situation.
The person in your life probably feels this way too – they’re not enjoying being cold, but for whatever reason, they feel they’ve got to distance themselves.
2) Avoiding meeting up
Naturally, if someone is avoiding talking on the phone, they’re probably going to avoid wanting to meet up too. The former takes care of the latter.
That’s one of the main reasons I’ve avoided texting Jenny – whenever I do, she wants to make plans and hang out.
The truth is, something must have happened to make someone want to distance themselves from you.
I’m not saying it’s your fault – it could be a misunderstanding or a personal situation in their own life that’s affecting the friendship/relationship.
But if they don’t want to meet up, it’s for a reason. Try to keep an open mind about what could be causing this change in their behavior.
3) Changes in body language
When you do see them, how do they act around you? For this, you need to reflect on their past behavior and make a comparison.
Were they very warm and affectionate before, but now they’re cold and reserved?
I know this to be true for me – the last party I went to where Jenny was, I avoided sitting next to her. I didn’t make it obvious, but I imagine she picked up on it.
Other changes in body language to look out for include:
- Crossed arms
- Avoiding eye contact
- Turning their body away from you
All of the above signal that they don’t want to encourage contact or communication with you. Which can be hurtful, especially if you don’t understand why.
That’s why I suggest speaking to the person in question – if they’re willing to explain, it could help you understand what’s truly going on.
4) A lack of interest in your life
Now you’re really going to dislike me – Jenny is pregnant. When we occasionally chat, I do ask about how she’s feeling and how the baby is doing.
But I’ve taken a big step back from asking about her life in general, and have avoided getting too involved with the pregnancy.
While I wish the best for her, I know for my own sake it’s not a good idea to be an active part of her life.
You might have noticed the same thing happening:
You’ve got a big life event coming up, but your friend hasn’t once mentioned it. Or perhaps when you talk, they’re reluctant to ask you how your work or relationship is going.
Ultimately, they don’t want to know (or if they’re busy with their own issues, they don’t have the capacity to hear about yours).
It sounds harsh, but if they’re trying to distance themselves from you, they can’t be all up in your business.
So, they just keep things light and superficial, which leads me to my next point:
5) Avoiding deep conversations
It might be baffling when you go from revealing your deepest fears and dreams to now only talking about the weather and the latest reality TV show on Netflix.
What happened to all those deep, personal conversations you once shared?
Unfortunately, if they’re something of the past now, that’s another sign that someone is distancing themselves from you.
I wish I could say why, but this will depend on your relationship and situation.
All I know is that in my case, it’s best to avoid deep conversations as Jenny often likes to play the victim and I tend to leave feeling extremely emotionally exhausted.
6) Canceling often
Let’s say you do finally get this person to commit to meeting up – how often do they follow through?
My guess is that if they’re distancing themselves from you, they’ll be canceling 9 times out of 10.
“My throat hurts, reign check?”
“Ah sorry, but I’ve just remembered I have a dentist appointment this afternoon. Reschedule for another time?”
Pay attention to one thing in particular:
They never give a concrete date to reschedule. They’ll leave it hanging. If they were genuine, they’d set a time and date when they cancel rather than be so vague.
7) Not sharing personal information
You can actually test this one out right now – message your friend and ask about something personal going on in their life.
Perhaps you know they’ve had trouble with their family recently, so you might want to inquire about it.
If they respond normally and let you in on the details, maybe they’re just going through something and they’re not necessarily trying to step back from the friendship.
But if they keep it very surface-level and avoid revealing personal details, it’s not a good sign.
This signifies the shift in your relationship – for whatever reason, they don’t feel comfortable talking to you as they once did.
I personally stopped telling Jenny personal stuff when she blurted out a load of confidential things in front of a group of people I don’t know very well.
I realized then that she was not as trustworthy or respectful of my privacy as I once thought.
8) Changes in social media interaction
Another behavior you might pick up on if someone is breaking away from you is a change in their social media interactions.
When you post a picture or share something they’d usually comment on, you notice they don’t engage.
You send them funny memes but get dry responses in return. In fact, if they do respond, it’s mainly with emojis, rather than words.
This is just another way they’re expressing their reluctance to partake in the relationship – online and in the real world.
Jenny sent me a video on Facebook last week, but I haven’t responded to it. Again, it’s not to be cruel but rather that I don’t want to encourage more conversation than necessary.
9) Encouraging you to make other friends
This is a more obvious sign – if someone keeps referring you to other people or encouraging you to make other friends, it’s pretty clear that they want the focus off of them.
I guess by this point it won’t come as a surprise, but I actually did the same with Jenny. I saw someone post something in a local group about wanting to make friends (they were looking for other parents to hang out with).
I forwarded her the post as I genuinely felt that they’d make a better fit (since Jenny is expecting and all).
But part of me did it so that perhaps she’d focus her attention on this new friendship and allow ours to naturally die out.
So if someone pushes for you to make other friends, this might be the reason why.
10) Expressing irritation or annoyance
And finally, does this certain someone get annoyed easily these days? Perhaps they’re picking at your flaws whereas, in the past, this stuff was never an issue.
This is another way they might try to push you away and thus put distance between you both.
Especially if you relate to the other points I’ve mentioned. I felt the same with Jenny and although I didn’t verbalize it to her, I noticed little things were getting on my nerves.
Things that didn’t bother me at the start.
Final thoughts
So now you’ve got a better idea of your friend’s behavior and what it could signify, it’s time to consider what to do next.
Are you passionate about keeping the friendship (or relationship) alive? If so, you need to have an open and honest conversation with this person. If they’re willing to talk, that is.
I’d also suggest reflecting on your own behavior to see if there’s something you did to put them off.
And finally, consider the fact that maybe they’re dealing with a lot of personal issues at the moment (mental health issues such as anxiety and depression can also cause people to withdraw) so keep an open mind.
It’s never nice to be on the receiving end of someone pulling away, so go easy on yourself, too.