13 signs you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you

Respect is fundamental to relationships.

Someone can find you fun to be around. They can even love you, in a way. But if they don’t respect you, it’s not a relationship that is likely to last.

Here’s the thing: feeling disrespected is one of the quickest ways to find your self-esteem being eroded. It can also cause you to resent the person who isn’t showing you the respect you deserve.

Plus, according to psychologist Dr. Carla Maria Manley, “When a sense of solid respect is present, partners tend to feel more appreciated, seen, and safe in the relationship. When respect is not present, partners will tend to feel wary, angry, and deeply resentful.”

No wonder a lack of respect is seen as poison in a relationship.

If you’re in a relationship is someone who doesn’t respect you, it may be time to reevaluate your choices.

There are some sure signs that the person you are dating doesn’t respect you:

1) They dismiss or diminish your feelings

 We all have feelings. And a relationship should be a safe place to share them.

But a partner who doesn’t respect you will not respect your feelings, either.

A partner who tells you you shouldn’t be feeling what you feel, or one who makes you feel ridiculous for having the feelings that you do, is one who doesn’t respect you.

As clinical counselor Angela Caruk says, “This is because your feelings will feel to them like an inconvenience or a threat, so they will try to manage their difficult feelings by controlling your way of being.”

2) They don’t talk to you

As common as it might be, giving someone the silent treatment is not a healthy way to manage relationship disagreement.

Unfortunately, someone who doesn’t respect you may use silence to get their way.

Don’t get me wrong: it’s not like having a healthy relationship means you have to be chattering at each other all the time.

But there’s a difference between a comfortable silence and a silence that is used as a weapon.

Beware of somebody who uses silence to try and control your behavior. As Dr. John Gottman of the Gottman Institute points out, the silent treatment can often spell the end of a relationship.

3) They talk over you

On the other hand,  another sign of a partner who doesn’t respect you is that they talk over you.

This is a rude thing to do to anyone, but it’s an especially big problem in a relationship.

That’s because people who talk over you generally don’t respect what you have to say. They see their own opinions and views as more important than yours, and don’t feel any need to listen to what you are saying.

If they don’t respect what you say, they can’t respect anything else about you.

Which can also mean…

4) They ignore your boundaries

Ever heard the expression, good fences make good neighbors? Well, strong boundaries make good relationships, too.

For example, I hate shopping. I really hate it. I can handle a quick run into a supermarket for groceries, but a drawn-out weekly shop sets my teeth on edge.

That’s why my wife does all the grocery shopping for us. She respects my boundaries, and I do other household chores to make up for my refusal to shop.

A partner who doesn’t respect you will not respect your boundaries, either.

This can come in many forms.

They may ask you to do things you have been clear you aren’t willing to do, then get mad at you for refusing. They may invade your personal space, not allow you to spend time by yourself, or pressure you with unwanted physical advances.

But whatever form it takes, ignoring a person’s boundaries is a sure sign that you don’t respect them.

5) They give too much attention to others

If you’re in an exclusive relationship, you have the right to demand certain behaviors from your partner. That’s not the same as being controlling.

Sometimes, though, it can be hard to tell the difference.

For example, your partner has a right to have friends of the opposite sex so long as there is nothing romantic going on. But sometimes, a person in a relationship will spend way too much time showing affection to people outside the relationship.

Maybe it’s a work colleague, or a friend. Maybe it’s people they don’t even know. In this social media age, temptation is everywhere, and some people may spend way too much time online liking thirst trap posts.

Jealousy isn’t a good look on anyone, but it’s okay to expect your romantic partner to show you more affection than they do to others. If they don’t, it’s possibly because they don’t respect you enough.

6) They don’t consider your feelings

We all do things that can unintentionally hurt the people around us.

But if your partner has a pattern of doing things without even thinking about how it will affect you, that’s a sure sign they don’t respect you.

Maybe they make big purchases without you. Maybe they engage in pastimes they know you don’t like, or behave in ways you’ve asked them not to.

Often, when confronted, your partner may act as though you are being controlling. But it’s not too much to ask that a person you’re in a relationship with at least consider your feelings for doing something that may hurt you.

If they don’t, they probably don’t respect you.

7) They lie

Catching your partner in a lie can be hurtful for a number of reasons. One of the biggest is that it shows that they don’t respect you enough to be truthful with you.

According to Dr. Barton Goldsmith, lying is one of the top reasons relationships break up.

Here’s why: when someone lies to you, it demonstrates they don’t respect your ability to handle the truth. Maybe they think you aren’t intelligent enough to catch the lie. Maybe they don’t respect you enough to think you can react appropriately.

Whatever the reason, it points to a lack of respect for you as a person.

8) They don’t celebrate your accomplishments

In a healthy relationship, partners should be each other’s biggest cheerleaders.

On the other hand, if your partner doesn’t help you celebrate your accomplishments, that may be a sign they don’t respect them.

Whether it’s a promotion at work, reaching a new level in a hobby, or achieving a new fitness goal, your accomplishments should matter to the person you’re with.

9) They don’t respect your work

We can’t all be CEOs, heart surgeons, or theoretical physicists. That doesn’t mean we can’t respect what each other does for a living, even if the job in question isn’t particularly glamorous.

If your partner mocks your job or claims that it is easy or pointless, that’s a good sign they don’t respect you, either. Even the lowest paid or least prestigious jobs are worthy of respect, especially from a romantic partner.

10) They don’t take your dreams seriously

At the same time, someone who doesn’t respect you may also not take your dreams seriously.

There’s nothing wrong with aiming high. And if you have a dream, you’ll live a happier life if you go for it, even if you never achieve it.

Now, this doesn’t mean your partner should lie about your abilities or your chances. You can be realistic without being negative.

My wife knows I’ll probably never be a best-selling novelist, just like I do. But she also knows that writing means a lot to me. She may not understand why I spend so many hours working on writing no one will ever read, but she respects that it’s important to me.

That’s how it should be.

11) They take advantage of your insecurities

A partner who doesn’t respect you may use your insecurities against you.

This is a huge betrayal of trust. Showing our vulnerabilities is how we get closer to the people we care about, so to use that as a weapon to hurt someone is truly unacceptable behavior.

According to Dr. Josh Klapow,  “When a partner speaks down about you or uses your insecurities and limitations to their advantage, these all are indications that your partner does not have enough respect for you.”

It’s true. Be very wary of someone who exploits a vulnerability like this.

12) They don’t value your time

Some people are just bad with keeping time. I have a friend who is almost permanently late for any engagement, but she doesn’t mean any harm by it.

However, if your partner routinely fails to show up on time or doesn’t show up at all when you’ve arranged to meet, it’s a sign they don’t respect your time, and don’t respect you, either.

13) They make big decisions without you

In a long-term committed relationship, big decisions often need to be made. Things like:

• buying a new car
• starting a business
• moving house
• buying a house
• moving to a new city or country

These are decisions that should be taken together.

If, on the other hand, your partner makes these decisions all by themselves, it may be because they don’t respect your opinion enough to ask you first.

Being respected

Being respected by your partner is fundamental to a healthy relationship. And if your partner doesn’t respect you, you should seriously question why you’re even with them.

Keep an eye out for these signs of disrespecting a relationship. Because often, they may signal the beginning of the end.